Tag: love

‘I CAN’T AFFORD THE TIX’ MIGHT’VE BEEN TRUE, BUT ‘I HATE MY BODY’ WAS TRUER

‘I CAN’T AFFORD THE TIX’ MIGHT’VE BEEN TRUE, BUT ‘I HATE MY BODY’ WAS TRUER

Sometimes, we forget to live our lives. We’re too busy hating who we are… Everyone holds pain deep down – it’s why we go to bed upset, walk down the road and sigh, give up on calling the ones we miss but begrudge. I am […]

TAKING CARE, OF A SOUL IN PAIN

TAKING CARE, OF A SOUL IN PAIN

I have learned a lot throughout the last few years: loving my queer heart, embracing this slender body, healing abandonment trauma… Yet over and over again, I come across days and times when confusion and pain surge high. The more I look into myself, the […]

ROMANTICISING PAIN

ROMANTICISING PAIN

I catch myself dragging me into unease, discomfort, worry and fear. I think about the choices I make, or I let myself feelĀ the next right step to take – and yet, come good or bad, I quite always manage to find my way back into pain.

So let’s call that romanticising pain. It’s when you experience dis-easeĀ for long enough that the pain this causes turns out too close to home. Personal experience: my drug of choice has always beenĀ being a loser.Ā The one who’s left behind, who gets abandoned, and who doesn’t have the means, the ability, the love or support to make it through. I’ve lived it for so long, that aĀ loser mentality naturally got hardwired in my brain.

Making subtle, unconscious choices that inviteĀ deep pain into my life – thenĀ successfully romanticisingĀ anything positive right back intoĀ suffering – is what fuels my loser mentality. And WHAT A BEAUTIFUL THING that is!

I love who I am today – and how greatly this twisted, beautiful thing supported me into becoming all that I amĀ now. All of theĀ self-inflicted pain, loser mentality, and victimage have been there for my frightened inner child and doubtful inner self. Always.

There’s no point in fighting it. Nobody really wins in a battle. Romanticising pain will always be with me, and deep within me. It’s not the only way to be, that’s true. We’ve really acknowledged each other now, though. And we are having a conversation. Releasing shame, and disrupting ancestral covenants of hiding away from the public eye.

 

2017: MY PLANS FOR THE FUTURE

2017: MY PLANS FOR THE FUTURE

I am pregnant with possibility, so what does the future hold for me? And what are some of my current intentions? It’s time for a fun post now so enjoy thisĀ exposĆ©! 1) Move into a creative existence: I have long suspected big part of my […]

EMOTIONAL MONDAY: STOP WAITING TO BE SAVED, IT DOESN’T WORK!

EMOTIONAL MONDAY: STOP WAITING TO BE SAVED, IT DOESN’T WORK!

I’m here to confess to you the many times I had waited to be saved – how my saviour never came – and how I shall not beĀ expecting external salvageĀ from now on. Let’s explain and expand a bit. What do I mean by waiting/wanting to […]

EMOTIONAL MONDAY: HEALING YOUR VENGEFUL INNER CHILD

EMOTIONAL MONDAY: HEALING YOUR VENGEFUL INNER CHILD

These last few days I have had to process a great deal of low-vibration feelings and emotions. But… there’s a blessing toĀ every situation – and the revelation I had wasĀ this: heal the vengeful inner child.

We are never angry because of what we think we’re angry for: every stressful event is merely an enabler, which triggers and brings up that very first time we got to experience feelings of helplessness, abandonment, and so on.

For me, being a child who couldn’tĀ physicallyĀ stand up for or defend himself left behindĀ deepĀ scars and profound trauma. To this day, my cellular memory still retainsĀ vivid memories and imprints of feeling helpless.

Now, what can we do about this detrimental energy? We can’t destroy it, but we can manipulate, move and shift it. And the way we can do that is by:

Trusting: trusting the process of life, trusting a higher force (God, Universe, etc.), its vested interest in our very own well-being, and trusting everything happens for our highest good. How exactly do we trust, you ask? By…

Praying: if you pray a supplication prayer (i.e.: where you beg for something), make sure to refrain from dictating any specific ways by which that which you’re asking for shall reach you. YourĀ vision and my vision are limited by our own humaneness, so let Divinity/Life/Force provide through expected and unexpected ways. Now… if you’re not praying a supplication prayer, very good on you! That means you’re giving thanks and staying grateful before anything even gets to happen, which might very well be the greatest display of trust.

Elevating: elevating our own vibration, and getting to a higher vibration (which is where love, abundance, peace, fun and all those other goodies navigate about) allows us to reach and attain the very things we long for. You can elevate your vibrational energy by staying away from negative people, news, places and situations. Essential oils, time in nature, stillness, devotion, and meditation all elevate your vibration and take you one step closer to realisingĀ your full vision.

THE BREAKUP HEARTACHE

THE BREAKUP HEARTACHE

People come into our lives for a reason, for a season or for a lifetime. -belovedĀ Iyanla When I argue with reality, I lose – but only 100 percent of the time. -beloved Iyanla’s sweet friend Katie * Breakups hurtĀ because of the ‘what ifs’ and vulnerability […]

CODEPENDENCY VS. FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE

CODEPENDENCY VS. FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE

To be with others, I must first learn to be with myself. There is something beautiful and sexy about having friends and lovers in our life – something we so skillfully fear and more often than not turn into codependency relationships. Why do we find […]

WHY WE SOMETIMES GET DESPERATE FOR LOVE

WHY WE SOMETIMES GET DESPERATE FOR LOVE

This happens to me all the time. I either watch a YouTube video of somebody candidly talking about their latest crash or I just see someone I really really like and the pain gets me. It’s that type of daunting pain that triggers all of my inner-criticism , insecurities and fears.

By the looks of it, whenever there’s loveĀ around I suddenly get reminded of just how much I’m lacking it and would wish it were present in my life, as well. And, naturally, I get really desperate for love!

My mind goes back to the same old, negative patterns of self-hatred and before I know itĀ I find myself in this shit storm of really damaging thoughts: ”I must not be attractive enough”, ”I must not be acting masculine enough”, ”It’s me, right?! I’m just not good enough”.

And even though I’ve been working really hard on all of these issues and, at certain points, even was under the impression that I’d overcome them, I have discoveredĀ we’re all a work in progress. And that means now nourishing, empowering thoughts are all over my mindĀ – but so are some of the deeply-rooted, negative ones. The only difference is now I can bounce back to that hippie dippie place every timeĀ I hitĀ rock bottom.

Reality is love isn’tĀ about getting validation from a partner, nor from society forĀ having one. Love is about growing and making progress in our own individual life journey, alongside a partner that can provide the lessons, tools and insight we lack. And that partner might show up sooner or later, or never, for a longer or a shorter period of time, but always for our highest good! May there be somebody for me, out there, too šŸ™‚

How I fell in love with Iyanla Vanzant

How I fell in love with Iyanla Vanzant

Spiritual teachers like Louise Hay and Iyanla Vanzant have brought a big deal of change in my life. I was already in love with Louise Hay, her teachings and her life story when I stumbled upon Iyanla. Louise had posted about her Hay House World […]


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