I have recently discovered that Maya Angelou, the renowned poet, singer, and all-around sensational woman, stopped speaking for five (5!) years after having been raped at age seven. And that made me reflect on my very own childhood and the many times I would stop speaking to, or connecting with those around me. So, what’s actually going on deep within a child who takes the radical decision of not speaking/making himself available anymore?
I have been through emotional, verbal, physical and sexual abuse, and the very basic energy that inspires such a dramatic aftermath and way of coping is one of separation. When your body, innocent self-love, and most notably, pure soul, get dishonoured, brutally manhandled and torn apart, what quickly emerges as an only viable escape is separation. And how do children achieve separation, in a situation where they’re profoundly dependable on the adult(s) providing care, safety, and nourishment?
They stop speaking to them. A child’s words and light and loving glances into his parent’s eye are – really – all they can offer, unconditionally.
So when your child next goes into separation and decides to stop speaking… shut up, sit down, and listen. Listen for the inner insights as to why this whole situation came to exist, in the first place. Look for the patterns your child is reflecting, and that so very often bring up some of your own past baggage. Worst thing you could do is to go into punishment mode. When your child stops speaking to you… that is not the time to act out of spite or out of fear. Instead, it’s the perfect moment to call forth all the love you can possibly foster, and let that do the healing 🙂
Let’s not be victims, we are never stuck. Let’s wake up to our own full potential, do the work, and reap the loving harvest!